It's said that showers let the water wash away all thoughts, problems and provocations. Perhaps the people claiming these 'facts' are in fact, braindead. Since when have you gone into a shower and not thought, worried or cried? I sit here, on my bed, wrapped in the fluffiest towel I own, which has coincidentally been in my posession since I first moved to a beach side town at 5 and pour out my heart or maybe my brain and it's overcrowded thoughts into a keyboard and onto a screen.
As of late I've stopped playing music when having a shower or a bath just to see if the solidarity of it might be a tad bit more soothing... alas, I come out feeling stunted like a newt, at odds with the problems racing each other back and forth in my head. If it wasn't for the fact that you also feel clean after lathering yourself up with a chosen brand of scented soap, there'd almost be no point.
To be fair, the music goes on as soon as I enter my crowded bedroom, prolonging the sense of loneliness instilled by quiet showers and an empty dining room at meal times. It's almost as though every problem I have I don't take action to sort out until I've lived with the misery for a little while, clutching to it as though it were a fluffy teddy when sleeping. I like to take the problem, close my hand around it softly and blow it out again through the gaps between my fingers, feeling as though part of it I am in control of and denying it the right to mentally affect me. Meanwhile, a majority of it floats around me, engulfing me in hysterical laughter, saying 'Ha-ha, you are as little as a peanut.'
This is all in my head isn't it?
No comments:
Post a Comment