Pursuit Of Happiness

It's been a while blogger-sphere. How's it doing?

I found my blog again after a year away almost to the day. How time flies when you're having fun.
It's been eventful, including all the ups and downs expected over a 12 month period, but the biggest thing I've learned has been happiness. Happiness has come from a multitude of things, but the biggest thing it has come from has been acting on my mothers advice. You know when someone tells you something and you know it's right and you understand it... but you don't understand it fully. Well, it was like that. My ever so wise, loving mother told me that to move on in life I need to let go of all the things in my past that hold me back, even without realising it.
I made many mistakes in the past year, but they were all a learning curve once again. I realise the decisions I make in the future may also be mistakes, but I'm willing to accept that and just move forward with what I believe is right at the time. That's all we can do.
I let go of something big a couple of months ago that has taken such stress and painful anguish away from me and lifted the biggest burden in my life off my shoulders. I said goodbye to an old friend, someone who I've known for the best part of 7 years. Sometimes things that bring us down are financial situations, living arrangements or memories. For me it was memories with a person and hoping every day that things could be just like they used to be when we first met as innocent young teens.
People change, circumstances change and expectations change. Just because one person wants something doesn't make it right and doesn't mean you should want the same thing or give it to them because you want to make them happy. First things first, yourself. How can you make someone else happy if you aren't happy yourself? Just because someone is a big part of your past, doesn't mean they have to be a big part in your future. It was a bad past, not a good one, why would I want to continue with the same miserable tone when I can change it up, take chances and be happy?

I made a choice, I wanted to be happy.

Saying goodbye was hard, it's always hard. But it was the best thing I could have done. I feel free, I feel like I have the permission to make my own choices in my own life and not be beholden to someone else.
Since that day many things have changed. I've changed the way I look at myself, the way I love and treasure my family, my friendships, jobs, cars and relationships.
I look in the mirror now and don't think that I'm ugly or fat, I just see me. Me happy in my own skin because I'm not trying to please anybody. I'm happy in who I am and this is me. I know I could look better if I stopped eating junk food and going to the gym every day and I will in time. But when I do, it will be because I want to do it for myself, not because I should look better for someone else and live up to their expectation of me.
By clearing my head of self-pity and self-doubt it gave me a fresh perspective of my family and how much they love me and treasure me. I can't describe how much that means to me, to understand the depth of their love for me because all they want is for me to make a good life for myself and be happy, just like I want for them. They are my everything and I don't know what I would do without them in my life.
It's also allowed me to open up to new friendships and invest in them. Making a new best friend who didn't expect anything from me or manipulate me but rather laugh with me at silly jokes and do anything for me without expecting a return. By loving me for me. I value these friendships because they're not selfish ones. These people just want to give to others, even if they don't deserve it. They teach me every day to be kind, not to judge, to treasure the moments and make happy memories. To live every day.
I realised that my previous workplace was doing nothing for me but bringing me down and making me miserable, making me dread waking up in the morning and leaving the house. So I took some motivation and initiative and changed it. Sometimes fresh starts can do you a world of good. Fingers crossed all goes well on my first day on Monday.
By letting go of the past and taking every chance presented in front of me for something good, I've entered into a new relationship with someone who's been one of my best friends for the past year. His character is good and he makes me laugh. He shows that he cares, he doesn't just say it. It's different, most days it just feels like I'm hanging out with my best mate, but it means we can be open and do crazy things in front of one another without fear of being judged.
I'm excited to see how everything goes in the future. Nothing is holding me back now, not even myself.

Make a decision to be happy, it's life changing.